The Art of Listening

Listening is at the heart of everything we do, yet in this age of infinite information and sensory overload, it feels like a lost art. It's hard to resist the urge to check one's phone, answer a Slack message, or mindlessly Google things during meetings. There was a time that I, like many others, would check email during a slow meeting or a dinner. I realized some years ago  it's bad, but real listening is hard. It’s even harder to realize you may be struggling with listening. A study found 94 percent of the managers who were rated as bad listeners saw themselves as good or very good listeners.

Back to Basics: I remember in elementary school when teachers taught us how to listen. The models they used were crude but effective:

• Make eye contact with the speaker.
• Use non-verbal gestures such as nodding.
• Ask follow-up questions.
• Don't speak when others are speaking.

These strategies cover the basics (1) but are not enough to counter the distractions and challenges of everyday life, especially as it becomes more complicated in the workplace. After all, it's much easier to pay attention during story time in kindergarten than on a Zoom call with Facebook at your fingertips.

The Eureka Model: Our model to evaluate listening has seven key components, split into two categories: Nature or Genetic Behaviors, and Nurture or Learned Behaviors. Undertaking your individual score can help develop strategies to improve your overall listening. For more information, reach out to our team for a consultation. 

We define effective listening as:

Nature or Genetic Behaviors Relative to Listening:

When balanced and well-executed

• Energy: These individuals can move through life quickly but move with patience, consistency, and balance. They are engaged and patient.
• Dominance: They take responsibility, control situations effectively, delegate well, and make decisive, well-considered decisions. They understand situations well, are comfortable with risk, and manage healthy confidence that does not present as a strong ego.
• Reflectiveness: They are creative, analytical, practical, and apply solutions realistically. They relate ideas to others' options reasonably. When high it causes intellectual impatience.
• Competing: They strive for success and are willing to take risks without aiming to win at all costs. They collaborate well and are strong contributors in challenging situations.

Nurture or Learned Behaviors:

When balanced and well-executed

• Communication: They balance exchanging information, listening effectively, and presenting clearly. Their interaction sounds like verbal tennis.
• Expertise: They are confident, knowledgeable, value others' views, and respect differing opinions. They seek to understand what others think.
• Compromise: They are open-minded, attentive to the emotions of others, flexible, practical, and willing to adopt new ideas supported by data and circumstances. They are team players.

One of the most common questions we are asked is, “How can I be a better listener?” The good news is that it is rather simple; it just takes time and effort. To achieve this, we have a few steps that anyone can take to add a bit of complexity to our helpful kindergarten model.

Prepare mentally: Our workdays are busy, and we all have a lot on our plates. The best way to make conversations both efficient and productive is to prepare thoroughly. In many meetings, while others are talking, we focus solely on what we are going to say next. Instead, take five or ten minutes before the meeting to write down or think about what you are going to say so you can fully process and engage with the people around you.

Ask revealing questions: Asking questions is easy, but asking deep, thoughtful questions is much harder. However, practicing this skill is key to really listening. Go beyond simple "why" questions. Ask about the speaker's thought process and how they prioritized their thinking. Develop a thorough understanding of the construct of the person's position.

Develop empathy: Genuinely care about and connect with the person you're listening to. Treat your coworkers, friends, and anyone else with the same respect you would want them to have toward you. Treat them as you do the ones you love.

Control competitive impulses: In an age of hyper-polarization, it is easy to engage in a conversation to “win.” Simply stating that you hate a politician, policy, or idea leaves no room for nuance and understanding in the conversation, making it less productive and unpleasant.

Conclusion: I’m a cyclist, and for me, the best way to think about listening is through the lens of cycling. The only way you can get better at both skills is by working at it more, time on the bike! To be a better listener, one needs to listen more. It has been a bit of a challenge really trying to listen these past few years while developing these models, but I have noticed a difference in my communication with friends and family. I’m more engaged, connected, and empathetic toward them, and all I had to do was listen. By the way, do not put your phone on the table at dinner or a meeting. It indicates you are waiting for something better to happen.